May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
