super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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