So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
