Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She bit a glass in half.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
