I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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