I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
