My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
