the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My cat gives me a boner
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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