You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
