I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
