Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
