i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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