Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
FUCK WHALES
So apparently I’m into choking now
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