none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
