the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
