I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize