then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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