Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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