seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm both gender and math confused
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
