She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
