I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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