can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
