i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
