so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
