I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
