I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
