and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just had sex on a roof
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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