I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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