New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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