So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I CAN MOONWALK!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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