I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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