Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
