Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
