Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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