she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
