As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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