he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
