Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You left your phone here
Wait...
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