Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
