I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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