i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
