This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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