Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
