i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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