Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
