You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
