You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
NoShamevember. You game?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
