he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
