When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
