so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
