Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
