tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
