I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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