I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
