Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
