It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
