I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
