Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
