We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Randomize
