dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The beer is more important than you right now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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