Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Text me some of your sweat
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
