At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
