The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My vagina is officially offended.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
