I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
