Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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