Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We're too hungover to prance.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
