Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
