Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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